This email is about finding grief at a concert

Offline Recess is a newsletter that invites you to pause from digital distractions and rediscover the joy of finding inspiration on your own terms, away from the algorithm.

A quick summary: It’s Sunday and today we’re exploring:

• How I felt big, big feelings at a post-rock concert!

• Links!!!

• Something that’s blowing my mind!

I did not have anyone edit this so if you see a typo, be relieved that I’m a human and not a robot.

Intersections

things that are connecting during my recess

On Monday night I went to an Explosions in the Sky concert. I had never listened to them before and decided to go in completely neutral. I knew their music was instrumental and I was invited by my friend so I knew I would probably like it. And I loved it.

I hadn’t been to a live concert since the pandemic. I’ve been to comedy shows and to see quartets or smaller classical music performances. I’ve been to book signings and live podcast recordings. I’ve been to the movie theater and festivals. I just haven’t been to a concert of that size (In 5 years! It made me sad to think about). 

I loved feeling the music vibrate in my chest. I loved looking down from the balcony section, not a single phone pulled out which made me feel like I was at a concert in 2004, like I was 17 again. I loved not knowing a single song. No expectations. No disappointment if my favorite track wasn’t played.

I loved knowing that the last song was the last song. I could just sense it. I don’t know if it was the energy from the band, their fans, or something in the pacing. I got tears in my eyes. I thought of Desh (my soul dog who died in December 2022). I think I thought of Desh because intense grief is a bit disorienting. It gives you tunnel vision. It’s overwhelming. Sometimes it feels like a blinding light, and then other times it feels like darkness. Just like the lights, the music, the volume. The last song felt like grief but in a really beautiful way. Like I was standing back at a distance, observing it. The parts of grief that, after years, feel like concentration of love.

Offline Things

stuff I’ve been up to and discovering when I’m not on my phone

Many things that I do offline don’t really come up in this newsletter but it’s fun to do a little reflection after a month is over and observe:

• This clear protein powder is actually delicious. Not too sweet. Actually tastes like lemon italian ice. Mixes perfectly in my shaker bottle (some don’t and it’s gross).

• Enjoying Lana Del Rey’s new song. I love that she makes a lot of things and she’s messy. She’s one of my top 3 musical artists.

• I also finally got one of those red light masks! I’ve been wanting one for awhile. I’ve used it for 3 days in a row now so no review yet. I will share what I think next week. It forces me to stop looking at my phone or a screen because I can’t see without my glasses on. I hope I see other perks as well LOL.

• Watching Detroiters again and I just love it so much. And I want to watch The Pitt and Getting On soon. Was entertained enough by White Lotus but it mostly made me feel anxiousness.

Order 🤝 Chaos

a concept that stuck with me

“Chaos has always partnered with order—a concept that contradicts our common definition of chaos—but until we could see it with computers, we saw only turbulence, energy without predictable form. Chaos is the last state before a system plunges into random behavior where no order exists. Not all systems move into chaos, but if a system becomes unstable, it will move first into a period of oscillation, swinging back and forth between two different states.

After this oscillating stage, the next state is chaos, and it is then that the wild gyrations begin. However, in the realm of chaos, where everything should fall apart, the strange attractor emerges, and we observe order, not chaos.” (From this book)

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